So this woman has been in the news for writing a letter to a UK newspaper about how she didn’t want kids. (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2303588/The-mother-says-having-children-biggest-regret-life.html#ixzz2PuPJefdS
Whoa, seriously lady, tell us how you really feel. I’m sure every psychiatrist within a 30-mile radius is tripping over themselves to get their hands on this woman’s children.
I have no issue what so ever with this woman not wanting kids. I agree with the thought that if you are someone who doesn’t want kids, you shouldn’t have them and if you are having them because someone else wants you to then you are a fool.
I do however, very strongly disagree with her thinking that her kids never noticed “any coolness on my part.” Although I think using phrases such as “I felt completely detached from this alien being who had encroached upon my settled married life and changed it, irrevocably, for the worse.” Or “Yet I dreaded her dependence; resented the time she would consume, and that like parasites, both my children would continue to take from me and give nothing meaningful back in return.” when describing your children might be deemed slightly worse than “coolness”.
To me this letter seems nothing more than a vindictive way to say to her now adult children “Thank you for ruining my life. Here. Take this.” Payback if you will.
And for her to have two after knowing immediately she didn’t want her first one? Why? She concedes that it would be hard for someone to understand that. Yes, it is hard for human beings to understand you, again not for not wanting children, not even for feeling no maternal bond with them but for expressing your opinion of them so publically.
Are people going to relate to her? I’m not sure. Is this her way of getting people to feel sorry for her? Again, I’m not sure. I assume some women feel pressure to have children because we still believe we are meant to. In her case that idea was probably even more prevalent 35 years ago. This is still no excuse for raising your children and then dropping this bomb on them in a widely read publication. The fact that the husband she loved wanted her to do this when she wanted the opposite couldn’t have been easy either, but is the solution to hate yourself, hate your kids and possibly hate the person who made you change in the first place?
I was most angered however when she starts dolling out advice to other mothers. I have to say this woman has balls (although that statement is most definitely sexist). How dare she say that all women should breast feed, while in the next breath letting us know she has never felt a connection to her feeding child, and admonish working mothers for having children and then going back to work while she refused to have help. Guess what lady, kids would rather be loved by their mothers unconditionally and have a nanny for a few hours in the day then to have a disdainful mother who is home all day with them.
I honestly didn’t think I would have a strong reaction to this article. To each his own, right? Some people just weren’t meant to be mothers, some people do things they really shouldn’t do. But after reading the callous and critical way she talks about her feelings (or lack there of) for her children I felt sick. Her kids no doubt are reading this, they are people, and they are people she brought into the world. And she did it twice.
Everything parents say to their kids has an impact no matter how old we get. I admittedly was blessed with great parents and a mom who is lovely and never made me or my brothers think we weren’t loved and yet still there are moments when her words sting like salt in a wound.
For instance the other day my mother told me I should go to the gym more and I sobbed uncontrollably for 15 minutes. (To be fair I also just found out the Hobbit was going to be released in three parts instead of two, sad day).
I am certain if she really felt this way about her children the whole time they were growing up they knew and were affected by it. And for her to then write this article for them to read even in their adulthood is just plain mean. Just because they are adults does not mean that these words couldn’t severely hurt them and I can’t imagine why she would do this unless that were her sole purpose, to hurt them. I get that she wants others to understand her and share her story so they can relate and feel like they are not alone (I write a blog about myself, so yeah, I get it) but would you do that at the thought of damaging your own children? I guess her point is she doesn’t care. And while she says she never wanted any harm to come to them this letter makes me think otherwise.
Bottom line is that I feel bad for the kids she raised. I hope they are great people who felt really loved by their father. But who knows. All I know is that the other two people I know of that had cold, distant mothers are Jeffery Dahmer and Sarah Palin. And I guarantee those are two people you DO NOT want your kids to grow up like.